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    Tuesday, December 22nd, 2009
    theferrett
    10:16a
    Thread Overload
    I've seen a very cool Christmas idea going around a few places - namely, compliment threads. You leave someone's name in the thread, and the idea is to give them compliments to make their day better.

    I haven't linked to any of them because I don't know the people making them - I know, it's completely anti-season, but I'm shy about linking to a friend-frenzy originated by strangers - but [info]shadowwolf13 has started her own. She's got a very nice listing of all the people mentioned thus far (though I dunno how long she'll be able to keep that up), and I figured I'd add mine.

    My thread's for my wife [info]zoethe, of course: here it is. If you have nice things to say about Gini, go nuts.
    theferrett
    9:27a
    The Weird Part: Simpsons Reflecting Life
    In the beginning, The Simpsons had two store owners: Apu and Comic Book Guy. Apu would sell anything at the Kwik-E-Mart to make a buck, and Comic Book Guy was an overblown tyrant who'd sell any collectible to make a buck.

    Thing was, as time went by, people started to feel guilty about Apu. As an immigrant from India, you could tell that they were a little uncomfortable mocking the American dream so much - here was the guy who came from another land to open up his own shop! Isn't that worthy of being more than just a bit gag?

    So they started asking a vital question: "Is there anything else about this guy we should know?" And as it turned out, yes. They started writing episodes that opened up his character - he wasn't just a ripoff artist, but a psychotically hard worker! And a devout Hindu! And proud of America! And a vegan! And a Ph.D. in Computer Science! And now Apu has a wife and too many children, and his relationship has been the focus of more than a few episodes.

    They kept deepening who Apu was until he had depth. He's always got his roots in that stereotype of the Indian store-owner, but they've kept adding to him until he's a character in his own right. Because, I suspect, it felt unfair just to leave him stranded as nothing but a stereotype.

    Comic Book Guy got no such save.

    Comic Book Guy's been the focus of a handful of episodes, but the same could be said of almost any Simpsons character - after 400+ episodes, they're desperate for new plots. But his central character hasn't changed: desperate for women, a blowhard, lives in a basement, has no social life. And, I'd argue, it's because the Simpsons writers (and people in general) feel that the guy at the heart of the Comic Book Guy stereotype largely deserves his fate.

    And I can't deny that. I've known too many Comic Book Guys, with their shops and lousy business practices and their focus on making themselves the king of their local nerd cabals rather than running a good business, and I'm pretty much in agreement that they're all just worthy of being mocked relentlessly. Apu got a bad break, and should have been fleshed out. Comic Book Guy? Well, he chose that path. He deserves nothing but mockery.

    I just find it interesting that one stereotype got explored until he was a fully-realized character on his own, and the other remains a walk-on gag to say, "Worst. X. Ever."

    (Full disclosure: my daughters say that I sound like Comic Book Guy, so feel free to read this entire rant in Comic Book Guy's voice. It's funnier that way.)
    28bytes
    12:13a
    It's like an LP, but shinier
    I bought Back To The Future on LaserDisc today.

    I'm not really sure why, I don't have a LaserDisc player. But I stumbled across an odd little record store (not a CD store, a record store) that sold all sorts of music and movies in all sorts of obsolete formats.

    As I walked out of the store I felt guilty about spending $3 on something I'll never use. Just then, I saw three dollars on the ground. I looked around, and it didn't appear to belong to anyone.

    So clearly that odd little record store is magical.
    Monday, December 21st, 2009
    theferrett
    3:36p
    Magic: For Those Who Are Interested
    So I built my first Elder Dragon Highlander deck last night. The general? Sapling of Colfenor. Why? Because I already had a B/G highlander deck (fairly successful in multiplayer) that I could adapt.

    I'm not gonna write about it until I have a chance to play it, but I laid it out here because it's kind of like a puzzle - those who know Magic art well can see what cards I chose (barring basic land). Yes, it has a lot of powerful cards. But that's the way I like it!

    My EDH Deck: Sapling of Colfenor!
    theferrett
    2:36p
    theferrett
    11:17a
    Avatar: A Fuller Review
    Roger Ebert said that when he watched Avatar, he had the same feeling that he did when he saw Star Wars - that from-the-future sensation of "Oh, this is going to change everything." And in that, he is correct.

    Avatar is what movies will look like ten years from now, because it is the first movie in which they have gotten CGI and 3D right.

    CGI's always been dicey because despite its tremendous usage, it still has yet to get heft and movement correct. There's something about non-human CGI that looks CGI - it's pretty, but the mind is subliminally aware that the way gravity interacts with things doesn't quite fit together. They've fixed most of that for humans, because you can (and should) motion-capture people - but for the other things like tumbling rocks or CGI animals, subliminally your mind still knows it's all just equations in a box somewhere. It's close, so you're willing to go with it, but somewhere in the back of your head you said, "It's a special effect."

    Avatar has a whole CGI forest, and you buy every tree in it. There were points I kept having to remind myself that it was CGI, because that bioluminescent frond jiggled just perfectly when the fake character brushed against it. I don't know what they did to simulate mass correctly, but they did, and I bought the world wholesale.

    That is an amazing feat. Let us congratulate James Cameron for that.

    And the 3D? There were times I kept forgetting it was 3D, which sounds like a waste but it wasn't. This is the first movie where I've said, "Seeing this in 2D, the movie would lose something I don't want to live without." Sure, you can see shit like Journey to the Center of the Earth on your TV and miss out Brendan Frasier hocking a yo-yo in your eye, but who cares? But Avatar uses 3D to enhance the action scenes without making you aware that dude, you're in a 3D theater, isn't this awesome?

    I'll state again: in ten years, this is what cinema will look like. Just like Terminator 2, he's taken umpty-million dollar and put every dollar of that money on-screen. It may, in fact, be one of the prettiest movies ever.

    That is an amazing feat. Let us congratulate James Cameron for that.

    Now. Let's discuss the plot.

    I know I'll catch shit for this, but I'm not instinctively opposed to the "white guy meets noble savage" plot. It's hoary and can be completely insulting when done poorly (and yes, is mildly insulting when done well) - but the fact is that if you have some alien culture in a movie, the simplest and easiest way to introduce a reader to that culture is to have them experience it through the eyes of someone who is also new. It's lazy writing, but it's also effective, because at the moment your lead character is falling in love with this new set of people, so is your viewer.

    (And sadly, at this moment in time "white guy" is going to be the stand-in for the viewer when Hollywood's involved - a regrettable choice I've come wearily to accept probably won't change in the next ten years. Although I'll disagree with some folks who've said that the underlying problems would evaporated if this had been Will Smith in the lead instead.)

    The trick is, pulling off that plot is all about the subtlety. It can be done well, if white guy helps out the tribe but doesn't turn out to be the greatest warrior, the most intelligent planner, and the most swoony lover by mere nature of the fact that he exists and is white. So I said, "Self, I'm gonna hold off on this until I see how much finesse he applies. It's all about the subplots."

    Avatar has no subplots.

    Avatar has no finesse.

    I'm going to reference Neil Gaiman's party theory here and say that most Hollywood films at least try to answer the question, "Why do I want to hang around this guy for the next two hours of my life? What makes him likeable?" Avatar is amazing because it sidesteps that question in its entirety.

    The lead character is introduced as a man who lost the use of his legs and has a dead brother. How did he lose the use of his legs? In "a battle" in Venezuela. We don't know what the nature of the battle was, how he felt about the loss of his legs (aside from "he'd like them back"), what kind of soldier he was before. Nothing. And his relationship with his brother? Was it good? Bad? Is he driven by guilt, a need to supercede his brother, some need to make up for his brother's crimes? We have absolutely no clue why he's here or what he wants to accomplish aside from two facts - and those facts could mean any number of things.

    Say what you will about Titanic, but at least at the beginning we knew that Rose wanted to be free of her too-strict societal conventions and Jack wanted freedom. The lead dude in Avatar is so blank that he's running on pure actorly charm - thank God the guy has a nice smile, because that smile is all the characterization you're gonna get.

    So the emotional arc? Is completely stunted. Yes, of course lead dude falls in love with the civilization and defects to the other side, but do we know what it means to him personally aside from some sort of mishmash of The Earth is Good and Milspec Is Bad? Not really. We have no idea what he's personally rejecting in order to become a part of this world.

    Any feelings you're gonna get from Avatar are coming straight from the SFX - it's like if Star Wars hadn't bothered to put in good dialogue (and yes, the original Star Wars has good dialogue, if not natural dialogue - check the number of quotable lines) and instead put all the weight on you feeling anything for Luke based on how awful that desert looked (so he'd want to leave) and how pretty the princess looked (so he'd want to follow her).

    That's what Avatar is: a beautiful world where you're expected to fall in love with it just like the lead. Who doesn't really exist except as a hollow construct of actorly charm.

    But the plot is thin, and often makes no fucking sense - rare for a James Cameron film. (I rather enjoyed how he went out of his way to show us why all that grand military equipment didn't work well against the Aliens.) In fact, let's ask the following questions... )

    So what you get in the end is a very gorgeous movie where the natives, barring some very interesting biological quirks (I want an organic USB cable), don't have have the protective cladding of an interesting plot or fascinating characters to shield us from the knowledge that hey, these are Native Americans in blue garb! Which they are. They have the weapons of Native Americans, the vocal patterns of Native Americans, and the chanting and rituals of - well, Native Americans and some Africans. So suspension of disbelief, at least in that aspect, goes right out the window for anyone at all attuned to such things.

    Let us bash James Cameron for that. His heart's probably somewhere in the vicinity of the right place, wanting us to love nature and people who love nature, but in the end what he creates is a fantasy where the native population is too butt-stupid to know how to fight the overwhelming power of the conquering civilization until the lead character comes along and shows them. In other words, the natives don't have the intelligence to build technology, and they don't have the wisdom to see the threat of the technology well enough to make plans to fight it effectively - but boy howdy, they have heart.

    A heart that's only valuable because it can sucker a guy from that superior civilization into working for them. Otherwise? Toast. It's a value system that says, "You know, if only white guys had showed those Indians what to do, they'd have won!" Which, you know, is a little historically sketchy on so many levels that I don't even want to deconstruct that one.

    It didn't ruin the movie for me, because it was extremely pretty. If I turned the brain off and watched the eye candy and said, "Holy crap, a mechasuit that looks mecha!" I was happy. Yet it was three hours long - and yes, viewers, I checked my watch twice. I'm not sure I'd go again by myself, but I'd happily take someone just to watch them gasp.

    Avatar may be Hollywood's last gasp for the theater: You have to see this in the theater, in 3D. Have to. Because if you see it at home, on your crappy HDTV, the pretty's going to fade - and once the pretty fades, the plot is exposed for its underlying wreckage. And that plot? Hollow as a chocolate Easter bunny. It looks pretty, but most of your hungry bites are going to catch nothing but air.
    zoethe
    10:31a
    Avatar
    Certain people have reassured me that the "White Man Embraces the Culture and Then Saves It" aspect of Avatar was "only a small part of it."

    That's true. If your definition of "only a small part" is "all the plot the movie had."

    That's not to say that Avatar isn't pretty. It's staggeringly beautiful. I want to become a blue cat person and live on such a world. For the most part, I was able to forget that we were looking at a completely digital environment - perhaps that is why I was able to see that the clothes had no Emperor.

    In addition to the stereotype-filled story, a bunch of other issues arose. What follows is a non-comprehensive list of the stuff that bugged the hell out of me about the movie.Cut for spoilers, though the movie was so on rails there wasn't one thing that surprised me )I'm not sure what it says about me or about the movie, but I was completely unmoved by tragic events befalling characters. I was, however, heartbroken by destruction wreaked on the planet. Perhaps all that says is that WETA Digital makes a better movie than James Cameron does.

    EDIT: This is more negative than I really feel about the movie. I did enjoy looking at the pretty. I would go again if given the opportunity. And I can't wait for the DVD extras so I can see all the awesome WETA guys again.
    zoethe
    9:33a
    I told you it was purple
    Got several "pics or it didn't happen" comments, so here you are:



    Sunday, December 20th, 2009
    theferrett
    10:22p
    My Super-Brief Avatar Review, By Way Of JRR Tolkien

    One white man to rule them all
    One white man to lead them
    One white man who'll learn at first
    But eventually supercedes 'em.

    (It was REAL pretty, though.)

    Posted via LiveJournal.app.

    28bytes
    9:07p
    Noel, the Christmas cat
    A few years ago, my buddy [info]fuselighter gave his wife a kitten for Christmas. Apropos of the season, the kitten was named Noel.

    I got to meet Noel soon after on a visit. I'd stay in the guest bedroom, and when I'd wake up in the morning, this cuddly, friendly ball of sweetness would be on the bed purring and giving me little kitty headbutts to let me know that she would like some attention, please.

    Now, of course, I have a kitty of my own, Jennifer, of whom I'm very fond. She's the perfect kitty, except that she likes to scream at 3:00 AM for no reason, waking me up. I've tried a number of things to prevent her from doing this, from giving her extra food and attention before I go to bed to wearing earplugs to rigging up a loud fan on a remote control to chase her away from the door and drown out the noise a bit. So far nothing has worked for very long.

    A few people have suggested to me that perhaps she's lonely and I should get another pet to keep her company at night, but I've resisted the idea for a number of reasons. First of all, I wasn't so sure about the "problem: loud cat; solution: MORE CATS" idea. What if they just screamed at each other all night? Or one screamed at 3:00 and the other screamed at 4:30?

    Secondly, I had more or less decided that Jennifer would be my last pet. There are a lot of upsides to having a cuddly companion around, but they don't live forever, and I honestly never want to go through losing another pet. Losing my little orange buddy Huggins was very hard, and I do not want to repeat the experience.

    Nonetheless, a couple of weeks ago, when Jennifer was treating me to a 3:00 AM symphony in F sharp diminished minor, I thought "maybe she could do with some company." Especially since I'm rarely home: either working late, or in class or rehearsals. I'd already felt a little guilty about the Florida trip I'd planned, since she'd be rattling around the house completely alone for a week (although the lovely Jenny did agree to come by and check in on her.)

    So the next day I got a message from fuselighter's lovely wife, saying they had to find a new home for Noel, and would I be willing to take her?

    Long story short, as of a couple days ago I now have two kitties. They get along surprisingly well.

    And the best part? I haven't heard a peep from either of them in the wee hours of the morning. Who would have thought that "solution: MORE CATS" would actually work?

    Here's Noel, nappin' and purrin' on my bed.

    zoethe
    12:13p
    The newest member of my family
    She's 17 inches long. She weighs in at 6 pounds. And she's PURPLE!

    Yes, I am lovingly caressing my brand new laptop. When we were in California my old laptop took a swan dive onto the concrete floor. And while if appeared to recover, like Beth March it was weakened by the crisis and is slowly fading. And it was 5 years old and very slow. I could have pushed it for a few more months, but how smart is that when my livelihood depends on my computer? Better by far to be able to go back to the old machine for anything that I might have forgotten to transfer rather than trying to recover lost data from a dead machine.

    And how could *I* turn down the opportunity to own a purple laptop?

    The awesome thing about the 17 inch version is that is actually has a 10-key pad. As much number entry as I do, that's really awesome. The bad thing about it is that is has a 10-key pad. Which means that the keyboard is offset from the center of the computer. And the keys are a different size than either of my other computers. So I'm having to relearn to type on it.

    tHE OTHER BAD THING IS THAT THERE IS NO CAPS LOCK LIGHT. The offered solution is an icon that appears on the page for a moment indicating that you have or haven't locked the caps. Which disappears in about 5 seconds.

    But these are niggling things. I love the huge screen, and the lightning speed. And it even fits into my laptop bag!

    Current Mood: excited
    28bytes
    7:55a
    Slow Wave!
    This week's Slow Wave: The Santa Conspiracy.
    Saturday, December 19th, 2009
    theferrett
    10:03p
    Glurge
    Periodically, I get glurge emails from strangers and regrettable relatives about the War In Iraq. It's generally some heartwarming story of a soldier who saved a kid or was kind to a family or rescued a cat, with a picture of one of Our Boys doing something noble that is uplifting all of Iraq, and it always ends with something like, "THE MEDIA REFUSES TO REPORT WHAT WE'RE REALLY DOING IN IRAQ! SPREAD THE WORD!"

    Of course, I also get horrendous emails from strangers and regrettable relatives that show the ruins of bombed houses where a wedding was destroyed by a bomb or an innocent cabbie was shot at a checkpoint or a cat was stomped on, with a picture of some blood-soaked gore that shows how Our Boys have done something horrific that's brought down all of Iraq, and it always ends with something like, "THE MEDIA REFUSES TO REPORT WHAT WE'RE REALLY DOING IN IRAQ! SPREAD THE WORD!"

    I think in the future, I'll just forward these emails to each other sender, saying, "Pro-glurge person, meet anti-glurge person. Perhaps by seeing the other side using your dimwit tactics, you will realize that unsourced, anecdotal data does not create a whole picture. Now please. Shut the fuck up."
    28bytes
    2:02p
    Avatar
    I saw Avatar yesterday with my Toledo peeps, and one of my first reactions was to wonder at what point George Lucas saw the film.

    Because if he just sat down one day after it was finished and watched the whole thing like we average movie-goers did, he must have thought, "Huh. So this is how you make movies. Boy, I wish I'd known that before I started The Phantom Menace."

    What James Cameron has done is open up an entirely new world of film-making.

    I predict you will see the following two reactions from people who see this film:

    (A) "Wow. James Cameron has opened up an entirely new world of film-making."
    and
    (B) "Yes, but [nitpicking and sniping about spoilers )]

    My recommendation is to ignore the (B) people and go see it. Preferably in 3-D IMAX, if you can.

    If you still want to failwank afterward, then go for it.
    theferrett
    11:37a
    This Is Why You're Dumb
    Senator Ben Nelson has agreed to vote for the new health care bill, giving 60 votes to the Democrats and - barring further complications - assuring that the bill should pass before Christmas. Regardless of whether you think this is a triumph or a tragedy, I think we can all agree this is fairly important news.

    However, on the front page of Yahoo, this piece of news is listed after "Singer's Lip-Syncing Gaffe" and "$22,000 Cell Phone Bill."
    theferrett
    11:12a
    Review Suggestions
    So. Thus far, I have reviewed two magazines for the Monthly Magazine review: GUD Magazine and Shimmer. Weird Tales is currently in my airline carry-on bag, and when I finish that I'll be caught up-to-date.

    My question: Which magazine should I review next? As mentioned, my criteria are that it has to be a semi-pro publication that pays at least one cent a word. It would also help a lot if said magazine was something I could take with me, either via PDF or paper; I often read these things in airports, when I have a lot of attention to spare, and requiring an Internet connection to read means that I can't mow through a couple of zines on a plane.

    I'd also prefer not to read Asimov's, Analog, or F&SF - not that they're not grand, but I'd like to highlight places that could really use a few new readers.

    Any suggestions?
    Friday, December 18th, 2009
    theferrett
    3:08p
    Heartbroken In Roanoke
    Thanks to a snowstorm that's threatened to dump twenty inches onto Virginia and a series of unfortunate airline events, I am now stuck in Roanoke through Sunday.

    I feel sad because I was going to have a Christmas movie marathon on Saturday with Gini and [info]butterandjelly, and then Avatar in the evening. Now I am all saddened.

    If you have anything you think would cheer a stranded weasel up, I'm listenin'!
    theferrett
    9:01a
    And Eep, I Can't Deny The Power Of This One
    No One Is Going To Save You Fools.

    When the Democratic party called me up to request a donation "to help the Health Care bill," I said, "As it stands, what you have is a boondoggle for the insurance companies. Call me back when you've got a strong public option in it and I'll donate twice as much as you asked." I'm still waiting. As, apparently, are double-digit portions of the population.

    (Link courtesy of [info]netmouse.)
    theferrett
    8:54a
    Friending Frenzy II: Friend Harder!
    Because it's been nine months, let's have a friending frenzy!

    In the comments, you leave some personal information about yourself, explaining why someone would want to read your journal; in this way, all you fascinating people will find your way to each other.

    There's one twist, though: You must, as your last line, list your favorite movie. If you can't pick a favorite movie, as many can't, then pick your favorite movie that you've seen in the last year. If you don't have a favorite movie, then you baffle me. Here, I'll go first:

    I'm Ferrett. I swing wildly between the poles of "completely obscene" and "tender notes to my wife," with a healthy dose of puns to liven it up. I like big questions that can't really be answered; I like exploring gray zones where only fools have a clear answer. In short, I like staring at the bits of humanity which nobody can really answer clearly. I'm also trying to go professional as a writer, which means that I spend far too much time blathering on about the details of fiction. This is probably good, though, since it's stopped me from blathering about Rock Band as much.

    My favorite movie cycles between "Star Wars," "The Godfather," and "Galaxy Quest," which really doesn't say much about me because hell, they're all pop culture icons. If I had to pick my favorite movie of the last year, then I'd have to say The Hurt Locker - which I reviewed here, but if you don't want to read that I'll say it's the kind of movie that many will hate. It's more tense than most horror films, given that it's about a man defusing bombs in Iraq, and yet it has a strong character at the center that makes you wonder why the hell this guy is launching himself headlong into the most dangerous assignments? It's a film that I'm not sure I want to watch a lot, but I will buy it when it comes out on DVD (a rarity these days) because I know I'll be saying, "You never saw Hurt Locker?" and leap to my shelves so they can borrow it immediately.

    (Second-best movie: Moon. Up probably should be on there, but Moon - which is reviewed in the same entry - surprised me more.)
    Thursday, December 17th, 2009
    theferrett
    5:42p
    The Way I Am
    FERRETT: [tails off after long, involved explanation to Aaron about the benefits of redesigning this database]

    AARON: That made no sense.

    FERRETT: That's okay - I just realized it was a terrible idea.

    AARON: All right.

    FERRETT: Actually, in a way it's a win-win, because if my explanation had made sense and you'd bought it, then I would have had to talk you out of it.
    28bytes
    10:53a
    theferrett
    8:33a
    Quick Question
    I'm busy today, so for proper entertainment let's ask a question:

    What's the worst thing you've ever tasted, and why?

    I'm gonna have to go with the black tea-infused vodka created by the mad geniuses at Infusions of Grandeur. Yes, I know, I have a long and storied history of eating awful things just to see what they taste like, but that black tea... It was like all the bitter astringency of tea combined with all the hot, sweaty bits of alcohol I don't like, and even now I cringe to think about it.

    Actually, no, retract that. The worst thing I ever tasted was Mashed Potato Soda. I'll quote from my own review:
    "You would think that a bland flavor like Mashed Potato wouldn't be the worst of the bunch, but immediately after the '1... 2... 3... swig!' we had everyone hunched over, gagging.  You couldn't even taste the soda - just this fake, overwhelming waxy butter scent, like a cheap vanilla candle you'd scoop out of the K-Mart bargain bin dipped in rancid popcorn butter, spiked with the chemical ammonia scent of artificial sugar.  If that was the case, it would fade, but this stuff stuck to your tongue like flypaper, coating it like syrup, so within seconds everyone was being suffocated by the cloying taste and smacking their lips like a dog eating peanut butter.  It didn't help.  We clutched our throats like we had offended Darth Vader, feeling this mockery of a taste climb onto our tastebuds and hump it while we scrambled for water.  Like the green bean casserole, it might have been okay as a carbonated version of the original, but for some unGodly reason they decided to make it sweet.  Lord help us."
    What I didn't mention is that this taste would reappear at random throughout the night, like the Tsavo man-eating lions, thanks to the carbonation involved. One little burp, and your mouth would be refilled with chemical napalm, as though it had never left.

    All right, I've relived my worst memories. Now you relive yours. What's the worst thing you've ever tasted?
    28bytes
    8:06a
    [info]28bytes joined the group "if 1.00 × 109 people join this group Facebook will start using scientific notation"
    Wednesday, December 16th, 2009
    28bytes
    3:36p
    ...um
    I just read a rather long-winded opinion piece discussing the relative merits of talking heads Bob Shrum, David Frum, and Kevin Drum.

    Not mentioned were Heidi Klum, R. Crumb or Eve Plumb.

    Which is a shame, really.
    theferrett
    9:32a
    Humanity
    Look, I like humanity. Most of my best friends are human. I'm just not convinced we're the greatest thing ever.

    I mean, humanity's done a lot for me, but in the end I think of us as another kind of animal. Yes, we have brainpower, which is delightful - but that brain is seriously flawed, riddled with shortcuts and gaps that we're not even aware of, all devised because there's just too much information for one mammal to process properly without condensing it down. Our memories are scattershot (just compare eyewitness reports to what's on the videotape), our ability to predict our own happiness is tragically flawed, and our native understanding of statistics and threat levels is laughable.

    It's better than most of what's on the planet, mind you, but that doesn't make it the best there could ever be.

    So when I see that there's seven billion of us walking around, chewing up the forests and dumping plastic in the oceans, I think, "Well, that's probably enough." I'm just not feelin' the same level of triumph that others apparently do that we've conquered the globe. I'm closer to, "Actually, there could probably be fewer of us."

    At which point someone inevitably walks up, their face lit with the transcendence of an Unbeatable Argument, and sniffs, "Well... What if your mother had felt the same way?"

    My answer is, "What if she had?" I'm not egotistic enough to think that the entire planet has been illuminated by my presence. I've been good to some people, sure, but I've also been shitty to others, and on the whole if my Mom hadn't had me I'm sure she'd have gotten by - probably with some other kid, who might have even been better for her.

    I'm not convinced that I'm irreplaceable in this cosmos. I'm not convinced that the mere act of being human makes you marvelous and special, especially considering you couldn't help it. I mean, if you'd had to pass some sort of embryonic test to be born as human, and if you washed out you got born as a kitten or an ant, then I might be impressed. As it is, it feels uncomfortably to me like that kind of rah-rah go our team! bullshit we get in sports, where we all get behind a random group of guys because we happened to be born near the sports stadium they play at. Go, homo sapiens!

    Mind you, I'm not saying you shouldn't have kids if it makes you happy. Happiness is in short supply, so if that's gonna float your boat, go squirt out a couple. I'm just saying that your children, and you, and me, and pretty much everyone we know? We're another organism on the planet. I like you, I'll certainly have a laugh with you at a party, but I remain firmly unconvinced that any of us are the pinnacle of all that there is.

    I love my wife. My wife loves me. We need each other dearly. And yet I'm pretty sure neither of us are irreplaceable on the planetary scale. That's just how I see it.
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