Below are the 8 most recent journal entries recorded in darth_junior's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
10:42 pm	Guess the Yolk Is On Us... While recently grocery shopping, I spotted a man who appeared to be picking up individual cartons of eggs… and talking to them. Realizing that my wife was thinking the same thing, I turned to her and said, "Back West… they call him the Egg Whisperer." Hilarity ensued. It turns out he was simply buying eggs while engaging in a hands-free cell phone conversation, but until we realized this, it was much easier to assume the guy was simply crazy, and make fun of him accordingly. Current Mood: amused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 29th, 2006
8:17 pm	Dick Hertz? C'mon... Who's Dick Hertz? My wife had just left the restaurant, and I was standing at the counter waiting to pay my check. Suddenly, an older waitress approaches… Older waitress: "Hey! Don’t yo’ wife work at Michael Hunt’s office?" Me: "Who?" Older waitress: "Michael Hunt. Ya know… dude looks like Vince Gill…" (Aside: At this point, I think to myself, "No, she got transferred to Ben Dover’s office. She applied with Phil McCrack, but there were no openings.* WTF?!?!") Me: "No. She works with me." Older waitress: "Are ya sure?" Me: "Ummm… yeeeeeah." Older waitress: "Well, whatcha’ make her DO?!?!" Me: "We do internet mail order." She pauses, stares at me with her mouth agape for a few seconds, then turns to the kitchen and yells, "Is my orda’ up yet?!?!". I think I lost her when I began using words longer than six letters. Frown. :-( * Bonus points if you caught the joke within the joke. :-) Current Mood: amused (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 19th, 2006
9:04 pm	Darth_Junior Goes International! The country: Japan The event: The Magic: the Gathering Pro Tour The cast: Myself, and the international man of mystery known only as... "Smitty" We’d arrived back at Narita, exhausted, and were looking forward to returning home. After snaking our way through check-in lines that seemed to go on forever, we were finally checking in and would soon be leaving the land of the Rising Sun. The nice man helping us studied his computer monitor, typed something, studied his computer monitor again, typed something else, studied his computer monitor again, then typed something else. "Is everything ok?" I asked. In somewhat-broken English, he replied while continuing to study his computer monitor, "Ah, Mr. Hoefring. I’m so sorry… but it appears your fright has been derayed...until tomorrow." (Translation tip: "delayed until tomorrow" = polite way of saying "cancelled") :-) However, all that studying and typing finally paid off, as he continued… "Hmmmm… it rooks like there is another fright a few hours from now. Would you rike me to try to put you on that fright?" "Yes please," I replied. So I was rebooked, and all was well. In fact, all was better than well as they generously gifted me a lunch/dinner voucher approximately equivalent to $50.00 U.S., told me that it was good in any of the airport restaurants, and said that I should use it to get a good meal while I waited for my new flight to depart. Happy and hungry, "Smitty" and I walked across the airport and entered one of the restaurants, and, knowing that the voucher would have no value beyond today, we did everything possible to max it out. Unfortunately, we somehow managed to locate the one restaurant in the entire airport that didn’t actually accept the vouchers. WTF? Had I just discovered some secret restaurant that the rest of the airport employees had not been told about? Did he purposely not tell me knowing that I would be making people laugh with this story for the rest of my life? Enquiring minds wanted to know! Anyway, rather than make a scene, I simply said, "No problem.", and paid the check out-of-pocket. Now $50.00 poorer, we still had a voucher to spend, so "Smitty" and I entered another restaurant. After making sure that this place actually accepted the vouchers, we sat down and ordered some dessert. Combined, our two desserts totaled roughly 20% of the voucher, but this was fine. Time was running out, and I had already decided how I was going to use the rest of the voucher; I was going to treat a complete stranger to lunch. As I settled up for our deserts, I scanned the restaurant for someone eating alone and spotted a woman in the back corner. Leaning forward, I informed the person working the register that I wished to pay for her meal with the remainder of my voucher. The response; "I’m so sorry. We can not arrow that." "Huh?" I replied, thinking he must have misunderstood. “Are you seriously saying that I am not allowed to use this voucher to buy someone else lunch?” "Yes, I am sorry sir." "Ok, fine." I said, noticing a tower of inexpensive gum next to the cash register. "Can I use this voucher to buy some gum?" "Yes.", he replied. With my right arm, I swept the entire tower of gum over and onto the sales counter, did some quick math, then took both hands and pushed 90% of the pile towards him as if I was going "all-in" at the World Series of Chewing Gum. "Good, then ring me up my friend!" Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: "Fighter" - Christina Aguilera (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 18th, 2006
12:35 pm	To protect and service? Bad boys. Bad boys. Whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come on you? http://www.cnn.com/2006/LAW/02/17/sex.cops.ap/index.html "Spotsylvania County Sheriff Howard Smith made the announcement after his officers spent $1,200 at massage parlors last month and sparked a public outcry. Smith defended the practice as necessary to obtain a conviction but told his department he was suspending it. Court documents show that four times last month, county detectives allowed women at Moon Spa to perform sex acts on them -- once leaving a $350 tip. A total of $1,200 was spent during the visits, Smith said. He said multiple visits were necessary so detectives could build trust with the operators." On behalf of my fellow Virginians, I would like to personally thank the Spotsylvania police department for doing what had to be done in order to protect us from these hard-oned... ummm... I mean... hardened... criminals. I know I certainly feel safer! Hmmm... I wonder if they got a discount for bringing their own handcuffs? Current Mood: amused Current Music: Bad Boys (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 30th, 2006
1:47 pm	SinCityGames.com? WotC Employee: if I was single WotC Employee: I would ask your search engine to marry me SCGPete: haha SCGPete: don't worry. I won't tell your wife WotC Employee: :-) SCGPete: what happens on StarCityGames.com, STAYS on StarCityGames.com ;-) SCGPete: until WotC hires them , ofc SCGPete: heh WotC Employee: haha! Current Mood: busy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 24th, 2006
11:37 pm	Can I Have a Red Balls Please? Before this past weekend’s Guildpact Prerelease, we contacted the folks at Red Bull and arranged to have them send over a few reps with free drinks in tow. They specifically asked us not to announce that they’d be coming. Midway through the day, two young, attractive Red Bull-ettes (?) stopped by and began handing out the aforementioned beverages. They quickly disappeared into the crowd, and began distributing cans of Red Bull to the masses. Approximately an hour later, one of these young ladies approached me and asked if I wanted the last Red Bull they had in their cooler. I graciously accepted. As she reached into her cooler, I knew what was coming next, and began to mouth a “Nooooooooooooooooo!” as if I was about to take a bullet for the President. Unfortunately, before I could actually get a single syllable out, she proceeded to hand the dripping wet can to me by passing it directly over our sales area. I could only watch in stunned silence as a stream of water ran down the side of the can and fell directly onto the cards below. Sigh. Fortunately, the water landed on a plastic case holding some relatively inexpensive stuff, and nothing was damaged. However, since these girls obviously had no idea that these cards were actually collectable, and that some players in the room would likely be… uhhh… quite “upset” if their brand-new cards were ruined in this manner, I felt the need to educate them. After all, they seemed to be fairly intelligent, and I’m sure they would understand. I began, “Miss, everyone here really appreciates you guys being here, but we need you to understand that the cards these guys are playing with are fairly collectible. If they were to get wet, the water could ruin them. Please be mindful of this when handing out drinks.” For a few seconds, she looked confused. Her head tilted to the side, and she was looking at me as if I was speaking a foreign language. I have to admit that it kind of caught me off guard. Had my tone of voice been too strong? Did I not choose the right words to make my point? Why was she looking at this me this way? Suddenly she began laughing, pulled a Magic card out of her pocket, and held it up for me to see. “Look! I have a foil Swamp!” she proudly exclaimed. “They said that it was one of the five best cards in the game! They’re probably lying, but I don’t care. It’s a foil Swamp! Look!” “Uhhh… yeah…” I replied. “That’s definitely a foil Swamp.” She turned, and having never acknowledged a single word I had said, simply strolled out of the room with her Red Bull cooler in tow and co-worker at her side. Wow. Just wow. Someone should probably stop drinking so much Red Bull, and just stick to the good ‘ol fashioned crack instead. Current Mood: happy (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 23rd, 2006
10:00 pm	The Following Takes Place Between 9:00 and 10:00... The wife and I are watching 24. CTU is busy interrogating a recently discovered mole, and Jack Bauer has just killed an assassin by hammering a pair of scissors into his neck with his bare hands. Good times. Wife: "Oooooh... I bet Jack will get him to talk." Me: "Hon, Jack's good, but even HE isn't THAT good." (Pause) Me: "Ohhhhhhh... you meant he'd get the MOLE to talk. I thought you meant the guy he just killed." Am I the only one who can actually see Jack interrogating a dead guy, and the guy talking? :-) Current Mood: amused Current Music: beep... beep... beep... beep... (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 18th, 2006
10:09 pm	What?!?! You Wanna Peace Of This?!?! While standing next to my car, I couldn't help but read a few of the bumper stickers covering the car to my left. "Make love, not war." "Give peace a chance." "Peace on Earth." "Peace & Love On Our Planet " Then... down in the lower right corner... "Keep honking. I'm reloading." Ummm... WTF? - DJ Current Mood: happy Current Music: Washing Machine - The Remix (5 Comments |Comment on this)